You might be a Haredi...

If your idea of casual dress is wearing a tie.

If someone takes your blood for Tay-Sachs testing and the needle comes through the other side.

If your idea of Torah Umadda is reading the Rambam.

If your wife shaves her head so she can better cover her hair.

If you tailgate someone on the highway who is going 90 mph because of din rodef.

If you go on a murderous rampage because of a safek d'oraita regarding who is Amalek.

If you maim an Arab on Shabbos and then apologize saying, "Sorry, I thought you were Jewish."

If you buy a TV card for your computer because owning a TV is assur.

If you marry a second wife to enhance shalom bayis.

If you need an extra SAT score report to send to your shadchan.

If you have a ninth son just so you can have your own minyan.

If your idea of shechting a Lamm has nothing to do with korban Pesach.

If you start smoking pot because it makes better nitzotzos.

If you hold up a convenience store to further your sons' education.

If you plan your daughter's wedding before her Bat Mitzvah.

If your website has a notice that says the internet is assur. (Satmar only)

If your shul as a two drink minimum.

If your idea of a "burden to society" is someone holding a paying job.

If you think 'Men In Black' is a documentary about hasidim.

If you need sunglasses to take off your clothing.

If your bus has a smoking section and a women's section.

If you think the Great Wall of China was put up so Asians could daven.

If you replace your beat up '86 Oldmobile station-wagon with the newer, '88 model.