Rebbe of the Month

Rebbe Data Sheet:

HEIGHT: 5’10

WEIGHT: Ma’alim b’kodesh v’ain moridin

HAT SIZE: 10 gallon

AMBITIONS: Spreading the word of the Shver

TURN ONS: Blended Whiskey, MSAC hot tub

TURN OFFS: Tuna fish, RIETS, Agudath Israel, Conservative, Reform, Sepharadim, Lubavitch, Satmar, brain death, morons, Thursdays, Jewish shiksales, royal prostitutes, "Gedolim," oral sex (onanism), Hungarians, MBATS, Dor Yeshorim, the rest of you am aratzim.

MEMORABLE RABINIC MOMENT: Japan, 1974 -- Kept Shabbos for two whole weeks while sleeping on a tatami.

HOW TO WIN MY P’SAK: Tell me something I haven’t heard.

GEDOLIM SECRET: You wouldn’t want your mathemeticians building bridges, and you don’t want a Talmid Chacham to give you a p’sak.