Business Class Citizens

Some disturbing facts came to light last week regarding the administration's feelings toward the students of Yeshiva College. It seems this page erred earlier this semester when it insisted that they didn't give a damn.

"It's not that we don't give a damn," asserted Dean of Students, Effin' Dullman in an off the record conversation, "we just don't want to spoil our students and perpetuate the myth of the JAP. We would like to treat our students to the best of everything but because of our overriding concern about the JAP issue, we make sure everything is one step below what it should be. "

An anonymous source in the administration, whose office is adjacent to Dullman's, revealed the inner workings of a system that has been in place for over twenty years.

The administration saves the best desks, chairs, and lounges for themselves. When they cater a dinner, it’s on fine china with real silverware. We get Dougie’s. Why? To prevent us frome turning into JAPs?

The program appears much more severe at our sister school, College for Stern Women, although, obviously the concerns are justified.

However, this approach is not needed Uptown.The students should receive spacious chairs that fully recline and a wine-list at their functions. Everyone should also have a video screen built into the classroom desk in front of them so that they can choose for themselves what they want to watch in class.

This business class treatment must end.