The Relationship Between Ya'acov and Esov

The Ba'al Shem Tov liked to point out that "we recognize the failings in others to the extent that we ourselves possess the same fault." A practical implication of the Ba'al Shem Tov's insightful observation is that when we get angry with someone, we should always step back and ask ourselves, "Why does this person bother me so much? Am I really mad at him? Or, am I really mad at myself and my own short-comings?"

I think the Ba'al Shem Tov's observation can also help us gain a deeper understanding of the relationship between Ya'acov and Esov. In part, at least, the tension between these two brothers is driven by the fact that Ya'acov himself is simultaneously drawn to and repelled by Esov. In Esov, Ya'acov has a mirror in which he sees himself more clearly.

At the level of P'shat (literal understanding), the story of Ya'acov and Esov is about two brothers enmeshed in the ubiquitous web of sibling rivalry. One can also understand the narrative on the level of individual psychology, as well. Ya'acov and Esov represent two aspects of the same personality. Ya'acov, described as "Ish tam yoshayv ohalim," represents the spiritual side of Esov, "Ish yodea tsaid - ish sadeh," (a cunning hunter, a man of the field), represents the physical side.

Accordingly, the story is simultaneously about the reconciliation of two brothers, and, perhaps more importantly, about individual human growth. The key question from the second perspective is "How does Ya'acov reconcile the two seemingly incompatible sides of his own personality?"

Ya'acov's primary struggle is not with his brother Esov, but rather with himself. How does Ya'acov connect his own spiritual and physical characteristics? Or, better yet, how can the "Ya'acov in Ya'acov" find space for the "Esov in Ya'acov"?

The first step of the growth process, I want to call negotiation. This step is illustrated through Ya'acov's attempt to purchase the "bchor" (the birthright) from Esov. As the Pasuk states, "Sell me this day your birthright." In a sense Ya'acov wants to buy out the Esov part of his personality. At this point, the spiritual side recognizes some positive inherent in a life devoted to physical pursuits as symbolized by the birthright. However, the problem with negotiation is that it doesn't really take seriously the true differences between Ya'acov and Esov. Can you really buy and sell a birthright? Ultimately, negotiation is bound to fail. While negotiation is a necessary first step, if the process stops there, development is prematurely stunted.

The second step of the process is probably best thought of as experimentation. At this point, the true differences between Ya'acov and Esov are clearly identifiable, and the problem is, what can one do about it? Ya'acov complains to Rivka, "Behold Esov my brother is a hairy man and I am a smooth man." Here, unlike before, Ya'acov is consciouly aware of the two aspects of his personality. Nevertheless, after reassurances from his mother, he puts on Esov's well-worn clothes (however reluctantly) and brings his father Yitzchak the food which Rivka has prepared. I think most of us live most of the time at the stage of experimentation. And, often the response we elicit is of the form, "The voice is the voice of Ya'acov, but the hands are the hands of Esov."

Finally, the ultimate step in the growth process is integration. If the experimental state is successful, the Torah holds and optimistic promise for us, Ya'acov and Esov become one. Ya'acov is Ya'acov, and Esov is Esov, but the two thrive together in the same psyche. Psychologists might call this stage "self-actualization."

On the eve of his confrontation with Esov, the Troah describes Ya'acov's struggle and ultimate victory not over Esov, but his victory with Esov. "And Ya'acov was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day." Question: If Ya'acov was indeed left alone, with whom was he fighting? According to the version offered here, he was fighting with himself. Rashi, in a suggestive comment equates Ya'acov's adversary with Esov's guardian angel (Breishit 33:10), perhaps suggesting an interpretation tantalizingly close to the one put forth here.

The true climax of the story is not the actual confrontation between the two brothers as related in Perek 33. This confrontation was always secondary, and its resolution as the Ba'al Shem Tov would certainly realize, is predictable from what precedes it. The true climax is Ya'acov's own internal victory with Esov. Rashi makes this crystal clear when he explains Ya'acov's name change to Yisroel. "It shall no longer be said that the blessings came to you through supplanting and subtlety but through noble conduct and in an open manner" (Breishit 32:28).

The Torah itself does not explain the actual process of integration. We are simply notified that somehow it comes about. At first, this might seem to be a failing of the story. After all, writers are supposed to show and not tell. But, perhaps there is a final lesson here. Integration, by necessity, is personal. Ya'acov's solution was appropriate only for Ya'acov. Perhaps, it is sufficient for us to know that integration is finally possible. Life's task is to realize this promise on terms meaningful to ourselves.