Pray for 1998

As 1997 draws to a close and pre-millennium tension rises to a fevered pitch, the time has come to review this year's releases. Ugh …………..oh…………no…that's not it. What can I say? It's been a bad year, and it happened just when we thought nothing could g et worse than 1996 which saw Beck grabbing "artist of the year" for pilfering Paul's Boutique. 1997 has seen a slew of great songs but no albums that you could put on your stereo and listen to from front to back. Excellent examples include; "Bitter Sweet Symphony" by The Verve, "Try" by Michael Penn, and "Beetlebum" by Blur. The only record of note has been Radiohead's O.K. Computer. Even the highly touted return of Jane's Addiction has left many believers shaking their heads. What happened ? Just where did we go wrong?

Does anybody recall what they used to do to entertainers in the days of yore? If you don't, let me help. It would go something like this:

Rewind 500 years to the court of King ______ of ______. The set is a throne room. The king sits upon his throne with his queen beside him. They are dressed in their royal clothing and have just finished gorging on a cow.

King: That was one piece of beef!! (Turns to queen) What are you in the mood for?

Queen: I want to be entertained. (Speaks as if nothing interests her. She sighs and bites into a slice of sponge cake)

King: (Turns to the head of his court) Bring us entertainment for I am done with the evening meal. (The king proceeds to light a cigarette and buy a bud light © from the royal bar. The cheap son of a ***** leaves no tip).

(In walks opening act: Third Eye Blind)

Lead singer of Third Eye Blind: This song will be a huge hit in 1997 (The king seems unimpressed. Rightfully so!)

Third Eye Blind: (Sings) Do Do Do Do Do Do Do, Semi-Charmed kind of life Baaaaby!

King: Off with their heads! (The queen hasn't even looked up from her cake while Third Eye Blind are dragged kicking and screaming out of tune to the guillotine)

Queen: Next.

(In walks Puffy Combs, but his powers are rendered useless because samplers haven't been invented yet. He concedes and is thrown to the lions)

King: Got anything else new?

Head of Court: Nope. All that's left are The Beatles, The Who, The Kinks, Roxy Music, and Chris Rock.

King: Send Chris in again

Why can't we treat entertainers the way we used to? At least if the music wasn't good, we could watch them die. Live death! (I'd pay for that). Every entertainer should be looked upon as a court jester. Every show and moment in the spotlight must be t reated as a life or death situation. People don't spend their money in order to see a band act cooler than thou.

The average human being goes to a job he hates. He works from 9-5 and is bored every minute He gets home tired after sitting in traffic for an hour. It's 6:30. The wife is irritated. The kids are whining. All he wants to do is sit back in his chair and listen to something entertaining as the day winds down. His entertainment is the last bastion of sanity. What does he hear? Boorish crap! "Do Do Do Do Do Do Do, Semi-Charmed kind of life Baaaaby!" Poor man, poor world. I've bought more XTC records this y ear than records released in 1997. Doesn't that say something? It does!