Graduation and Other Apocalypses

As we approach the end of time, whether our time in this semester or this college, it is time to talk about the end of all time and the upcoming millennium. Finals and graduation are certainly apocalyptic events and so is the end of all life on earth. Although we cannot actually foresee the outcome of either one, we attempt to predict just what will happen to mankind and ourselves as we look into the distant and not so distant future of YU finals and the year 2000.

Will things continue on as before, or will nightmarish creatures descend from a dark heaving sky to smite the righteous, persecute the sinful, and award the graduating class of Yeshiva University '00 their diplomas? Who knows? The ancient seer Nostradamus wrote this prophecy describing the events that will take place at the end of time:

Grayish lumps rise and papers swirl in the winds

The places of many stools are abandoned

Red eyed creatures come from the walls

When the last man, he whom they call J will come.

"The Prophecies of Nostradamus," #2398

The first half may very likely refer to some sort of panic in the YU cafeteria or at the IRS, depending on whether the lumps are referring to what is being served or to who is doing your tax audit. The third line certainly suggests the eyes of YU undergraduates after pulling all-nighters, but it is unclear why Nostradamus would refer to them as "creatures" (I have my suspicions) or describe them as emerging from walls. Some have suggested that the fourth line is a reference to the Christian apocalypse and the coming of Jesus Christ, however, since Nostradamus was of Jewish descent this possibility is unlikely. It is much more probable that "the last man, he whom they call J will come" is a reference to Jerry Seinfeld's upcoming Seinfeld (properly spelled "sniveled" or "sniffled" according to my spell checker) series finale.

No matter what the future holds for us, people will still write books about it, because, after all, if millions are willing to buy books about "How to organize the dinner party" or "How to find love and fulfillment in your relationship," they will certainly buy a book titled "How to survive the upcoming flaming apocalypse." As apocalyptic predictions about the final judgment abound, book publishers have something to sell and book reviewers have something to review.

Apocalypse Wow

by James Patrick Finn Garner

The author of "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories" and "Politically Correct Holiday Stories," Garner in this book turns his attention away from political correctness and towards prophetic correctness. If the end of time is truly coming, he asks, where can I find out more about it? His search for a good prophet, answers from the beyond, and the practitioners of the once thriving art of cheese divination are the focus of this book. Garner's journey is one man's search for the truth about the end of time. The methods by which he attempts to uncover the answers to this great mystery are often journalistic, but unfortunately his subjects rarely are.

From Indian medicine men in carpeted hotel rooms to the vendors of a New Age crystal festival, Garner is willing to go anywhere and speak to anyone in his search for the truth, or at least the lies that are quite funny nonetheless. As Garner drives around the country going from encounter to encounter, he searches the annals of history delving into the mystical works of Nostradamus for inspiration and canvassing the history of the papacy for true predictions. While he does find what may be the earliest known woodcut of aerial banner advertising, he also finds that ancient sources can mean whatever anyone wants them to mean.

The barrier between truth and lies amongst the purveyors of mystical beliefs, from crystal healing to fortune telling, tends to be fairly low. So while Garner does spend money on a pair of pajamas with crystals sown into the areas of the Chakra points, he gains little but more amusing stories for the book. Throughout the book Garner projects himself as an earnest but gullible narrator simply on the road for answers. At the end, he finds those answers in a "frightening revelation(s)" about himself and the perils of operating a Midwestern apocalyptic radio station.

The core of this book, though, is the vignettes of other perspectives on the apocalypse. These range from the an examination of the prophecies of the aforementioned Nostradamus to the history of the Jehovah's Witnesses, and the supposed Western European reaction to the coming of the First Millennium. Garner is a humorist and not a researcher so these chapters are far more amusing then informative, and the author's distaste for religion clearly comes through the narrator's persona. Still, any book asking you to connect the dots between a column with pictures of a lion, an eagle, and a whale, and the titles "England," "The Papacy," and "The Apocalypse," is worth a read over your next commute.

Killing the Dream: James Earl Ray and the Assassination of Martin Luther King Jr.

By: Gerald Posner

With James Earl Ray's death, the controversy over who really killed Martin Luther King Jr. continues to rage, now that the one person who certainly knew the truth is finally out of the picture. Ray, Martin Luther King's convicted assassin, had alternately admitted his guilt and denied it. The doubt and confusion over the assassination, the chronological and political time period, and the questions over the real assassin, have linked the King assassination to that of President John F. Kennedy in the minds of many conspiracy theorists.

Unlike President Kennedy's assassin, James Earl Ray lived long past the crime, and shortly after, began to maintain his innocence. King’s widow, Correta Scott King, and members of King's family stated publicly their belief in Ray's innocence, and shortly before his death he met with Martin Luther King III, who agreed to support Ray's request for a new trial. This request was later denied, and while the latest evidence continues to point to James Earl Ray as the actual killer, debate rages not only among conspiracy theorists but in more polished and upscale circles as well. Gerald Posner's book sets out to settle that controversy by claiming once and for all that James Earl Ray was in fact the one and only assassin.

Posner, who attempted a similar feat in the Kennedy assassination with his earlier book "Case Closed," does as good of a job here. However, in the end neither book is likely to set the issues at rest because it is the nature of people to prefer the fantastic to the real and everyday. Despite the best analysis that can be conducted on the known facts too many unknown facts remain. Posner demonstrates the contradictions in Ray's accounts of the event in great detail and with an extensive investigation, but little of what is uncovered is particularly new or challenging. The basis of "Killing the Dream" is a systematic collection and organization of facts about the case which makes this book an unquestionably valuable resource for those interested in the material. Yet the book lacks the sensational revelations promised by competing accounts of conspiracy theorists. In the phrase taken from the movie "Who shot Liberty Valance?" the advice of a newspaperman is: "When the facts contradict the legend, print the legend." Gerald Posner has only printed the facts.