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Moses and Jacobs to Wed

The Commentator wishes to congratulate Adam Moses and Susan Jacobs on their recent engagement. The wedding, scheduled to take place on April 1, was said to be a match "made in heaven" by such leading authorities as Rabbi Norman Lamm, who indicated that he loves it when Uptown students unite with their downtown counterparts in procreative endeavors. Giving them the ancient Torah U'Maddah blessing of "May you never be machmir in the laws of Niddah," Lamm is also purported to be the Mesader Kiddushin for the two love birds.

Yeshiva University Moves to Shut Down College for Stern Women

An unreliable source has informed The Commentator this week of Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm's pending decision to shut down the College for Stern Women at the close of the semester. The move would be consistent with Rabbi Lamb's decision to close down The Marsha Stern Talmudical Academy stating that "There is no room for females anywhere in society."

New YU Web Site Declared Huge Success

A mere four months after the announcement by YUPR that they had revamped the official YU web site, it has been declared a complete success by the Office of Public Relations. Although YUPR has never found anything to be less than a complete success, th e office explained that they really mean it this time. Said June Glazer, editor of the esteemed publication YU Last Year, "A good time was had by all."

In this Issue:

• News and Moos
• Piles of Schtick
• Editorials: Formerly Known as "News"
• Columns
• Culture: Or Lack Thereof
• On-Line Sports

Hey! This doesn't look like the Edah Conference?