An Ethnic Esther and Other Persian Fantasies

"Mommy, I want to be Queen Esther for purim." "Sure sweety let's dress you up and get you a pretty blond wig." Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the Purim story happen in Persia - a.k.a Iran, as in the Middle East. As in there are no freakin' blondes there! Every year, growing up, when Purim came around we would draw pictures of Esther. Naturally she was always blond with blue eyes and fair skin. How could we have let this happen?

Let's get something clear. Esther was Persian with dark hair, dark skin and yes, connected eyebrows. I think that it is appalling that the image of Esther has been perverted in this manner. Did it not say in the Megillah that she was "green?" Hence olive skin, hence, the strange grayish-green color we dark people turn in winter. I'm not saying that it's anyone's fault, just that we must right this wrong.

Which brings me to my point. Many of the things that happened in the Purim story can be understood by taking a closer look at Persians we have all come to know and love. Achashverosh was probably a big, balding, hairy, Bijan-wearing Persian who had a party for seven days. You may ask who can party for seven days? Have you been to a Persian wedding? We never stop. As long as there is Persian food, we're talkin' like rice, kabob, sabzi and tahdig, the Persians will party. And for that matter, the whole story happened in Farsi, so you KNOW some funny stuffs went down, because there's no accent more precious than a Persian accent. Let's not forget Haman with his oh so pushy wife. Only a Persian woman can whip a man that bad.

Purim is a happy time. A time to embrace your fellow Persian and feel the "we cover all our furniture with plastic" love. So, this holiday season don't forget without us Persian Jews, there would be no Purim. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!