A Man of Great Significance

Sheldon Socol, The Ordinary Potato

We are taught in Jewish tradition to accord credit where credit is due. In this university, all the credit for everything possible is owed to the efforts of one unheralded, extremely modest, small individual who resides on the tenth floor of Belfer Hall.

This man is a huge asset to our institution. His interests know no bounds and his appetite to absorb everything within his grasp knows no limits. His benevolence is legendary - not only does he attend to his own, he is constantly attending to other people's business and affairs. Nothing here would get done without him, for he is larger than any one man.

He is the big, big, Big Brother to us all. Our esteemed president considers him so indispensable that he heeds his counsel on all matters, especially those about which he has absolutely no clue. He is the religious posek, the voice of the students, the defender of the union worker, and the protector of the lowly security guard all rolled up into one big roly-poly ball.

His sacrifices for this university are the stuff of which great big legends are made. He even donates his family to YU. He is a man whose own flesh and blood was propelled into serving in his deep footsteps, assuring us of paint on the walls and a fence on the grass. His widely heralded son wields broad authority in all matters pertaining to anything you need to wear gloves to perform. The link between father and son is readily apparent. They are always in contact to ensure that nothing in YU goes on - without their knowledge, that is.

So here's to you Sheldon - you're a unique specimen, one of a kind. We know you toil in obscurity with no one ever appreciating you for who you really are. But rest assured, your good friends at The Commentator know all about you and your behind - the behind the scenes work that you do. If you ever move on to a better place, you will leave exceedingly large trousers to fill.