Deep Throughts

Ever wonder what certain people do in their offices all day? I did. One day, I decided to go to an office and see what the people there did all day. When I got there, I realized it wasn't an office. I felt really stupid.

If MTA closes down, the Burns Security guards will have to look elsewhere for their endless supply of illegal narcotics. That's why they don't want us on the grass. One guard told me that there are Jewish bones buried there. Or was it books? I forget. But the point is, if MTA closes, YU will have another building full of rooms it never uses, but charges students for anyway because like, it's Jewish.

Ever wonder what certain doctors are doctors of? Dr. Adler is a doctor of rat sex. He shouldn't be the Dean of Yeshiva College, he should be the Dr. Judy of laboratory mice. Dr. Jesionowski is a doctor of movies. Maybe she should take over the worthless theater that YU bought for Stern. Then again, maybe Rabbi Cheifetz can swing from the museum flagpole and sing Yerushalayim Shel Zahav.

You know that lady in the Dean's Office? Not Ceil, I mean Shirley. One time she greeted me with a "hi honey" so I leaned over the desk and she gave me a big wet kiss. Dean Shmidman gave me the look and then said "Blah blah blah blah blah, good Shabbos." Then he left. What's with this Judaism thing anyway?

Once I was really hungry so I went to the Caf and saw the slop they were giving. I wasn't hungry anymore. But then I got hungry again. I went to the caf to see if the slop was still there. It was, but now it was hard. I bought some and it really didn't taste good so I threw it out and went to Bible. Sometimes I think I'm just a big loser.

There are a lot of people out there. There are so many people. Did you know that they even have people in the North Pole? I know this because once I was on the 8th floor of Morg and I asked a guy where he was from. He told me he came from Boston and that's really far up north where it's very cold. Maybe I'll go to Boston someday. Then again, maybe I'll go to Queens someday too.

There's an old saying that goes: "You can't judge a book by it's cover." That really isn't true because I was at the Seforim Sale, and the name of the book I found was called "A Really Good Book." It really was a good book. It just goes to show, you CAN judge a book by it's cover. Or for that matter, you can judge a girl by the color of lipstick she's wearing.

If you're contemplating suicide in the back staircase of Belfer Hall, and your cap accidentally falls in the river, don't bother trying to get it because, man that hat is like, gone.

If you go to the Caf and they're serving your favorite chicken gumbo, don't eat it cuz it's not kosher. I don't really know what that means, but a YP guy with a hat told me so. He eats in Grandma's everyday. I'm late for Bart.

You know that big mosque behind the Muss building? That's where the Facilities Management people go to worship the God of Paint. They pray to him and they get lots and lots of paint. Maybe they should call them the paint men. But then Mr. Socol might get mad, because if MTA closes, they won't have any walls to paint.