Commie Sutra
Purim 5759

Smicha-O-Matic!

Have you always wanted to be a Rebbi, but never had the time? Have you ever had a difficult halachic question, but had no one who would give you the right answer? Would you like to teach in a Yeshiva High School, but no one will hire you?

We can help! Now, you can get official RIETS ordination in minutes! Just take this quick multiple choice bechina and you'll be on your way to chinuch, the pulpit, or a variety of conferences!

"It worked for me!"
- Dean Ira Jaskoll

"I did it, and now I'm a Rosh Yeshiva!"
- Rabbi Jeremy Wieder

"It was harder than I though."
- Mordechai Levovitz

Just take this short, modernized bechina and you'll be on your way to Rabbinic glory!

The women in your shul want to make a minyan. What do you do?
We didn't learn this in SR
Ask your local Orthodox Rabbi
What's a minyan?
Are seemingly random occurences the result of predestination, free will, or what?
Predestination
Free Will
What?
An ox leaves Boro Park at 8:00 going 30 mph. Another ox leaves Lakewood at 9:00 going 25 mph. What's the halacha?
I didn't know there would be math on this test.
Is that in Bava something? I was absent that day.
I think it's assur
You are going out with a girl from Stern. You are too shy to be seen at a popular restaurant, but she hints that she wants to eat. You go online to look for a secluded restaurant and stumble upon a geneaology webpage that says you aren't Jewish. Now what?
Make sure the place is kosher, in case she still is Jewish.
Convert in the meantime; what she doesn't know won't hurt her.
Does that mean I can't get smicha?
Pop quiz - You are - chas v'shuloim - being chased by an Amaleiki, and the only refuge is a conservative shul. You remember your Rabbis saying never to enter a conservative shul, but you also aren't sure of your assailant's exact lineage. What do you do?
Die al kiddush Hashem.
Hide in the shul, but enter via a shinui.
Shoot the hostage.

Please enter your name as you would like it to appear on your smicha: