Liberal Arts Majors Permitted to Attend OPCS Career Fair

Last week, the Office of Displaced Persons' Career Services held a Career Fair for all Yeshiva University students looking for jobs in Accounting and Finance. OPCS billed the event as open to all students, including Liberal Arts majors. The office stressed that there were many opportunities open to students majoring in history, philosophy, and political science. "They could work in Shirley's office," explained Naomi Kapp, Matron Saint of the OPCS. "Some have even gone on to lucrative careers as administrative assistants or toll booth collectors."

Students were impressed with the vast array of companies that were on hand for the career fair. Said one YC senior, "Where else would I have the opportunity to talk face to face with a representative from the NY Parks Department?" Although the Parks Department was the main attraction for those not planning entering the financial world, there were many other viable attractions, such as the vending machines on the 12^th floor of Belfer. As one Sy Syms student commented, "Ooh, Cheezy Poofs!"

Some YC students had criticized the Office of Displacement for focusing entirely on Accounting and Finance to the exclusion of all other fields. But these fears were certainly addressed by the employees of the OPCS. Bob Bomersbach, the University's token WASP, commented, "It really doesn't matter where you work, as long as you're dressed properly. It's all in the tie. Take me for example; I have a dead-end job, but I look really good in blue."

Naomi Kapp took a slightly different stance. She stressed the fact that although students who have chosen the wrong majors are to blame for their own lack of a future, she tries to help them as much as possible. She notes that many students have successfully recovered from their lack of business training and attended some of the best medical and law schools. Some have even gone on to fame and fortune by pursuing lucrative careers in chinuch.

A representative from the NY Attorney General's office said, "I feel very bad for the woman over there," pointing at a recruiter from some no-name Midwestern graduate school. She had a wealth of information for students majoring in social sciences, and vows never to return to YU because "they are all a bunch of suited New York Y2k's (yuppie 2000's).

Unfortunately, the mooing force behind the placement office, Jen Berman, was unable to comment, although she did throw several paperweights at this reporter. Minor injuries were sustained.

However, the Career Fair was not a complete failure for YC students. Non-Finance and Accounting majors were able to socialize with lots of cute chicks who would be able to support them in Kollel, as there were no jobs available for them anyway.

There is, of course, still hope for YC guys to break into the financial world. Elisha Goldberg, well-known critic of Sy Syms and a classics major, secured a job with Goldman Sachs, the brass ring of all YU students. "I'm the only literate guy on the trading floor, and I'm loving it!" said Goldberg.

For those of you still embroiled in the job search, the OPCS can be contacted by writing your name on a piece of paper labeled "Appointments with Jen Berman" and then waiting forever.