Stern Unveils Pre-Nup Program

In response to the new Honors College being implemented at Yeshiva College, Stern College has announced the addition of a new program around which the entire school will be restructured. While Stern already has nominal pre-law and pre-med programs, it will now have a pre-nup program as well.

The pre-nup major will serve as the basis for a new college as part of Yeshiva University. It will be funded by local philanthropists and will be called the Yeshiva University School of Marriage (YUSM). The fabled Mrs. Degree will be tendered to the school's graduates.

Rabbi Norman Lamm, President of Yeshiva University, explained, "For our young men in YU who only want to get through college to get a job we have the Sy Syms School of Business. For our YC students who only want to sit and learn we have our semikha program. We've never had anything geared toward the real needs of Stern students. Now we do. For all the young women at Stern who merely want to get married, we now introduce our School of Marriage. The other two students are advised to transfer to Barnard immediately."

Shprintza Zelda Cicerstein, Michlala '97, remarked, "This new program formalizes what everyone always knew about Stern. I think the old approach, pretending to offer a Liberal Arts education, was g'neivas da'as and I'm very proud that the school had the halakhic courage to abandon it."

The new school will be based around the pre-nup concept. Like pre-law and pre-med., which are not actual majors, pre-nup will consist of a number of requirements from different majors in YUSM including offerings in the following concentrations.

The Cooking and Cleaning concentration deals with kashrut, cooking for shabbat and yom tov, laundry and ironing, taking out the garbage when your husband is busy learning or watching a football game, and how to figure out exactly what your husband wants for dinner and when he wants to eat without actually asking him.

The Vanity concentration will offer classes in make-up, hair (covered or uncovered), perfume, style, shoes and bags, and how to find sales so that you can save money for your husband to play golf or go bowling.

The "I wish I lived in a Shtetl" Neo-Haredi Wife concentration offers classes including listening (a sister course to Speech 101 offered at YC), taking care of the kids, never saying no, and setting up for and cleaning up after your husband's weekly poker game during which you may not interrupt for any reason.

The Diamond Evaluation concentration offers girls the opportunity to learn about a stone's carat weight, platinum settings, and the techniques of negotiating with a reluctant fiancee to purchase a larger rock.

The new school will hold classes in the Stern building, but labs and internships will be held all over the city. Some of the main labs will be held in Mendy's, Dougie's, Provi Provi, and La Marais (advanced lab). Some labs will also take place in the YU Library as well as the Morg, Rubin, and Brookdale lobbies.

As the pre-nup student enters her junior and senior years, she begins lab courses and independent study programs. The labs revolve around the shidduch dating process. The pre-nup student has to learn the rules of shidduch dating before she can go on an actual date. Anita Chassan, YUSM '00, remarked, "There were so many rules I didn't know. We learned how to order from the menu depending on which restaurant you are in. It's very complicated. You can't get just salad, but you can't get something that's more expensive than your date's meal. With YUSM's help, I mastered this complex calculation in a matter of weeks and was ready for some serious shidduch action."

Other issues dealt with in the labs include where to go on what number date, what to wear, how to act, what to talk about, ignoring anyone you know who might be in the restaurant at the same time, ignoring the steak sauce on your date's cheek, not talking about how many shidduch dates you've already gone on, not complaining when he takes you on the subway, and never suggesting La Marais when he asks where you want to go.

Marry Goldman, YUSM '99, explained, "La Marais is only for the top students. The ones who have completed all the courses and labs successfully will usually end up in La Marais. At this point you are only weeks away from graduating."

The pre-nup program has no core list of requirements nor a minimum credit number to graduate. Rabbi Lamm explained, "If you get married within the four years you are in YUSM, you get your degree. If you don't, you move on to the YUSM grad school located on the Upper West Side." Many students will take classes or complete internships (dating) during the summer in hopes of graduating early. June Bride, YUSM '00, remarked, "I was worried when I came here that I might get married before I graduated. Now with YUSM I automatically get my degree on my wedding day."

The new school, which opened for the spring semester, has already attracted 898 students. These students started dating at the beginning of the semester and all got engaged in the past few days. One of the students, Sherri O. Type, explained, "We all took labs and internships in dating and phone calls from the moment we got up until the moment we went to sleep. Once you get ready to start the dating internships, if you know what you are doing, you should be able to get engaged in a matter of months, if not weeks."

There is no actual graduation ceremony for the students of YUSM. Instead, each graduate will receive her degree on her wedding day alongside the ketubah. The degree will be read under the chuppah by the mesader keddushin immediately following the sheva brachos. The dean of YUSM and two witnesses will sign the degree. Some brides choose to forego a wedding dress and veil for a robe and graduation cap with tassels.