Fact, Not Opinion

I trust that every record you bought this summer was crap. Guess what? It's your fault. Yes, my friends, it's your fault! Stop buying records because you liked one song you heard on the radio. That's stupid. Two months after you bought the CD, you will have become so sick of it anyway that you'll just toss it. Please stop buying records. I implore you. If you stop buying it, they won't make it. In all seriousness, did you really not get enough baritone vocals from Pearl Jam that you needed it on Matchbox 20? If you only are buying three or four records a year, you shouldn't be buying music at all. Is it just me or do all these rock bands with DJ's songs sound like "The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion?" At least the Explosion is a parody. Sugar Ray is actually serious. On the TV show "Politically Incorrect," the lead singer stated with a straight face that NEA stood for National Rifle Association. Idiots like the ones from Sugar Ray only justify Bill Maher's irrational republican sentiments.

Let's talk about Fastball. Their hit song doesn't sound anything like the old Mexican standard "Besame Mucho." While the half of you are out buying this awful piece of unoriginality, the original is wandering around a record store in the oldies section, having been covered by a little known British band called The Beatles. As for that fat a** from Smashmouth, three words: "She's Not There."

There have been new releases this summer that are worth noting. They are as follows:

Neil Finn - Try Whistling This.

Former front-man with seminal Australian band Crowded House; this is his solo debut and the melodies are just fantastic. If you liked Crowded House and you are semi-familiar with Paul McCartney's solo career then this record is a must buy.

Liz Phair - whitechocolatespaceegg.

The reigning queen of indie rock strikes again with her third record. Unfortunately, she is now married with a child (and it isn't mine) and seems to feel that it is now time to abandon her confrontational song-writing that made her such an exciting performer in the first place. If you missed her first record you've been missing the reason why Alanis Morrisette exists. Though the new album is good, I recommend her first record Exile in Guyville. It's one of my 10 desert island discs.

Cornelius - Fantasma

If you can recognize any sample on Beck's last album, then this record is for you. Cornelius is Japanese and the reason why they are winning double-u double-u two.

Belle & Sebastian - The Boy with the Arab Strap

A couple more weeks before this one comes out but this is a shoe-in for record of the year honors. If you like Paul Simon even in the least bit, you will love this band. Purchase both this sophomore effort and their debut (which is already out) called "If You're Feeling Sinister."

David Garza - This Euphoria

The only thing good that Atlantic records has done since releasing the first two Led Zeppelin records. A great record inspired by everything great about Queen, T. Rex and the Byrds.

Hershel Savage and the American Flag - self titled

If you like Guided By Voices...what the hell am I saying. There are maybe four of you who might have any idea what I'm talking about. If you like early "Who" and the quirkiness of They might Be Giants, than this stuff is for you. Actually, if I had to make a choice, I'd rather you all went out and bought Guided By Voices' "Alien Lanes."

Whatever.

PS. Someone needs to shoot Perry Farrell.

Next Issue.... Why MTV's Rock the Vote should be banned and why I think MTV's Jesse is the greatest revenge ever.