A Yeshiva student hanging out with two friends on Amsterdam Avenue is shot in the chest by a beebee gun, fired by an unidentified assailant. The two students who did not get shot are ushered into Yeshiva's Office of Security and are coerced, browbeaten, and threatened - with expulsion - into signing false documents, conceding that they were at fault for the incident. A few days later, the student who alerted security to the incident is expelled from Yeshiva. The other two refuse to talk about the incident.

Hard to believe, right? It shouldn't be. Not when one considers that, at Yeshiva - unlike at other tier-one institutions - no formal disciplinary code or appeals process to administrative disciplinary decisions exists. At Yeshiva, there is no independent oversight of disciplinary measures enacted against students, not the slightest semblance of the "due process" one might expect of a top-notch university. What Yeshiva does have is security personnel, who will threaten a student into signing false documents lest he be expelled, only to then use the newly signed document as evidence to expel the very same student.

We are provided with another example of such "justice," less serious but no less indicative of Yeshiva's absolute disregard for the rights of its students, in the case of Jon Ackerman. Ackerman was denied Internet access for a number of weeks because Yeshiva's MIS Department received an email from Sony claiming that the user of an IP address - which MIS erroneously identified as belonging to Ackerman - had illegally downloaded copyrighted music. For good measure, MIS disconnected Ackerman's roommate from the network as well. Never mind that Ackerman later proved that it was not his IP address from which music was pirated. Never mind that Ackerman's computer contained neither the song in question nor the software program that he allegedly abused; MIS refused to reinstate Ackerman's network access, and the Office of Student Services refused to help him as well. What was Ackerman's only recourse to restoring his network access? Signing a letter of apology to Sony stating that he was exceedingly sorry for committing a crime of music piracy, a crime that he did not in fact commit.

The word 'sickening' comes to mind. It is sickening that Yeshiva Security, the entity ostensibly in charge of protecting students, chooses instead to blackmail them. It is sickening that a supposedly "top-tier" institution possesses no formal disciplinary procedure and appeals process. It is sickening (and ironic) that Student Services refuses to comment on matters of student rights, both in general and in specific cases, on the pretense that the privacy of the students - whom they victimized - must be respected above all other considerations.

The necessary solutions are conceptually simple, but bureaucratically difficult, to achieve and implement. Most importantly, of course, Yeshiva must commit to adopting formal disciplinary and appeals procedures. One indispensable component of such a procedure must be the appointment of some sort of advocacy program for students facing disciplinary action. In addition, thorough investigations must be opened regarding the cases of Ackerman and the student who was shot in the chest.

But let's face it. The likelihood of Yeshiva actually doing the right thing is minimal. Even if Yeshiva agrees to pursue a formal disciplinary policy, it most probably will not be instituted anytime soon. In the meantime, what can students do? Well, first, if you are in trouble, immediately contact your student leaders. 1-800-800-7759; that's the pager number for every student government member. Ask for Lou Shapp or Michael Davis, or any other student leader in whom you feel comfortable confiding. They'll call you back. It's their job to do so.

When dealing with security, try to remember that if you did nothing wrong, there's no reason to act like you did. Do not admit to doing something you did not do. Do not sign any statement put in front of you, no matter what Security guarantees you. They are likely lying. According to the Office of Student Services, only they can punish a student, not security. Get up and walk out of the Security office. Run. Scream for help. Call 9-1-1 if you have to. But do not, under any circumstance, commit any act of violence against Security or anyone else.

And of course, above all else, there are three more cautionary measures by which all students must abide. Do not get shot in the chest by an unidentified, unprovoked assailant. If you happen to witness your friend getting shot, do not come to his aid. And finally, never be falsely accused of copyright infringement or any other crime for which no evidence of your guilt exists. If you follow these simple guidelines, your stay at Yeshiva should prove very pleasant indeed.