Rarely, if ever, do I feel the need to comment on the various goings-on at Yeshiva University on the undergraduate level in the form of an Op/Ed piece. However, a courageous undertaking on the part of the editorial staff of The Observer and several students from the Midtown Campus, particularly Shana Strauch, has prompted me to do so. The question of co-ed social integration between the undergraduate schools located some 152 short blocks apart has long been a hotly contested issue, and, quite frankly, I am sure that it will continue to be for some time. I do not purport, for even a moment, to be able to fairly or accurately represent anything more than a sizeable demographic in our undergraduate ranks in my forthcoming comments. Yet, I remain optimistic that even those of you who initially feel at odds with the perspective that I will be espousing here, will read on until the end of my comments so that you might, in keeping an open mind, allow your perspective to change, or at the very least, allow for a more open understanding of the perspective of those students and sectors of Orthodox society whose viewpoints you do not share.

I will begin by stating a Halachic truism supported by numerous Rabbanim, including the Mashgiach Ruchani of Yeshiva: "Speaking to a member of the opposite sex, when the conversationalists are of marriageable age, is not assur." Many of you may feel compelled to disagree with this statement, and I respect your right to do so, but it is imperative that you understand that despite what you may or may not have been told regarding co-ed socialization, either in your studies in Israel or in any other aspect of your life, that it is assur (halachically prohibited) to speak to a member of the opposite sex, is simply not factually correct. When, but a sentence ago I chose the syntax of "feel compelled to disagree" to describe the possible feelings of any or many of the readers of this article, I did not do so accidentally. What is meant by "feel compelled," is a connotation that is often associated with that specific language. There is a definite undertone of coercion in these words, with an implication of an almost robotic repetition of a "company line" heard somewhere in the past that may or may not actually represent your feelings on the matter, but rather, is representative of a position that a "frum guy or girl" is supposed to support. Now, far be it from me to dare call into question the personal integrity of anyone who holds a stance not commensurate with my own on this issue, I am merely trying to open the readership of this periodical to the idea that one need not feel compelled to say what is expected of the classic "frummie." I am fully aware of the unnecessary pressure created by our society and its manifestation as a tremendous force brought to bear on all of us to conform to its standards. Notwithstanding, it is imperative that each of us be honest about what we actually do or do not believe to be G-d's will regarding how we should be conducting our lives.

One of the great tragedies in the evolution of what once appeared to be the Yeshiva University community's espoused Hashkafah is the idea that the mantra of Torah U'maddah is not literal anymore, that somehow Torah is Lichatchillah (of primary importance) and Maddah is Bedeived (of secondary or lesser importance). My bringing up this change in ideology, that Modernity (loosely translated) is inappropriate somehow, is not intending to in any way diminish the importance of Torah, whose centrality in our lives is imperative, but rather is being brought here to illustrate how this subtle change in ideological perspective manifests itself in the viewpoints and fears of many in the undergraduate student population. Many students feel a need to conform to what is so subjectively defined as "frum", lest they become labeled as, chas v'shalom, not frum. One might feel the need to ask, why the obsession with labels? Tragically, however, as is evidenced by the sheer number of times that very syntax (describing people's fears) is used in the articles in the last Observer, this fear is very real for many students. I myself spent a second or two contemplating the repercussions of my writing an article such as this one, wondering if this would cause me to become "labeled." The conclusion that I came to is that I don't care. I am certain that the preceding comment may seem arrogant, but I assure you that I did not make nor intend it in that vein. The reason I say that I don't care if I am labeled is because it simply doesn't matter. I know that I have been quite long-winded already, but if you will bear with me for just a little while longer, I promise there is a point to all of my assorted pontifications up to this point.

I have been privileged this year to serve as the Student Council President of the Sy Syms School of Business. One of the various tasks relegated to me as a part of my responsibilities is to set up and run events for the benefit of the student body. In so doing, I have, on several occasions, worked to create events that would provide a forum for co-ed socialization. On nearly all of these occasions I was met with the typical brick wall of "no one will come." The reason for this is really quite simple. It is because people simply cannot be seen at an event that would be perceived by "people" as being not frum. Thus a revolving door of unhappiness is created, whereby the very people who would most benefit from such a "mixer" would not be caught dead there, lest people think ill of them. The ludicrousness of this scenario is, of course, glaringly apparent. Many students have come to a point where they have become so insecure about themselves and concerned about how they are perceived by others that they refuse to participate in the very kinds of activities they are so longing for, the type of activities where they might theoretically be able to meet someone. My advice: don't give others' perception of you a second thought; as Shakespeare wrote, "To thine own self be true."

I am operating under the impression that most of us are hoping to meet a person of fine character and true integrity. If this is, in fact, the case, then you need not worry about his or her judging of you. A person of character would not and could not dare pass judgment on anyone without first exploring what the specifics of any given scenario may have been. This is not my own idea, but rather one belonging to our Sages, who say that we all must be "dan et kol haadam l'kaf zchut," (that it is incumbent upon us to judge every man favorably). So, if you want to marry a Ben/Bas Torah, I strongly urge you to look for someone who incorporates this critical Torah principle into his or her life in addition to the hours that they spend learning, as learning alone does not a good spouse make.

In short, we need not be afraid of social interaction with members of the opposite sex; we need not establish separate hours at a seforim sale run by the students of this institution; there is simply no need to facilitate the perpetuation of these fears in our midst. Further, establishing a new status quo such as this one, creates a situation where the new bar is set so that anyone who does go to mixed hours is somehow less "frum," which is something that is both unfair and untrue. I do not say that to, in any way, disrespect the wishes of people who genuinely feel uncomfortable in any co-ed environment. However, I do caution them that the world in which we live, for better or worse, features both males and females. This is something they might want to accept and get used to, because, in all likelihood, this is the way the gender breakdown of this great earth is likely to remain for some time to come.

Essentially, guys want to meet girls and girls would like to meet guys. I believe this to be true for many or most of the undergraduate students. Therefore, it seems obvious to me that there is no reason for anyone to be embarrassed to attend a co-ed event. For the most part, everyone is there for the same reason, and there is no reason at all to be ashamed of that motivation. It is no less or more appropriate than a shidduch system in which you have to always rely on others to set you up with the very guys or girls you could just as easily meet on your own.

Hopefully, by semester's end, the Sy Syms Student Council, in conjunction with YCSC, will run some sort of a speed-dating event. If you come and bring your friends, then you will be the type of people who are there, thereby making that event completely comfortable for you. The current perception held by many students, that any guy who comes to such an event is some sort of irreligious social vagrant and that the girls who come are all somehow not frum and/or promiscuous, is both untrue, unfair, and tragically symptomatic of so many in our society's rush to negative judgment. Undoing these perceptions begins with each of us working to judge one another favorably and allowing ourselves to not place so much importance on others' opinions of us. I am quite sure that none of us wants to spend our lives with the kind of person who, if placed in a "shidduch" scenario, would reject us because he/she heard that we were seen speaking to someone of the opposite gender in public. If we all make a conscious effort to shatter these misconceptions, we can make our time here at YU all the more enjoyable as well as possibly reshape the direction of our community. As I hearken back to yesteryear, I think of how much better a system was in place when there were still mixers, the very kind where so many of the Rabbanim at YU met their spouses. I truly look forward to seeing the return of those kinds of events to Yeshiva University's undergraduate campuses in the near future.

The author is President of the Sy Syms School of Business Student Association.