Dating For Dummies

By David Rabin

Monday night, March 4th, marked a historic evening for the eligible young bachelors of the Wilf Campus.  Organized by several married members of the Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary’s Katz Kollel and Kollel Elyon, the first in a series of dating shiurim was presented by RIETS Rosh Yeshiva Rabbi Mordechai Willig.  Other Roshei Yeshiva will soon give shiurim, lending their own unique views and addressing the myriad facets of the subject.

Despite only modest publicity, the first shiur was a resounding success.  Held in the Annex, the lecture drew well over one hundred and fifty students who packed into the limited space, forcing many to stand.  Many students appreciated Willig’s answers to questions, which ranged from what to talk about (“do not comment on her appearance, as that is inappropriate”) to where to go on a date (a walk is an excellent first date because “it is simple, pleasant, allows for conversation, and the price is right”).

Yeshiva College Sophomore Jeffrey Ney attributed the success of the shiur to “Rav Willig’s unique style of humor which made a potentially uncomfortable topic enjoyable.”  Yeshiva College Junior Dale Rosenbauch concurred, ascribing the success of the shiur to the humor that Willig incorporated into his lecture.

Jokes notwithstanding, the topic of dating presents a serious topic that impacts every student in Yeshiva, explained Kollel member Yosef Kalinsky, an organizer of the new shiur series.  “[There is] a general feeling that talmidim in our yeshiva are lacking hadracha (direction) in the area of dating, and are dating without a frame of reference as to what is improper or proper,” Kalinsky noted.  Rosenbauch agreed: “Guys go into the game of dating without knowing the rules, and then they pay.”  The reasons for their ignorance vary, he commented, ranging from a lack of instruction to reluctance in seeking advice concerning the subject matter.

Aside for an aversion in seeking counsel, many students feel uncomfortable discussing what one Sy Syms Junior termed an “embarrassing subject.”  Indeed, some of the other approximately eight hundred students who did not attend the shiur cited this discomfort.  Others pointed to a lack of relevance, with a terse “I’m not dating yet,” a common, though somewhat flippant, refrain.

The most prevalent excuse, however, came from students who felt that the shiur was not intended for them.  Indeed, Willig himself informed the assemblage that he would address the shiur only towards students who learn “in the Main Bais Medrash and here [in the Annex].”  Although the decision to limit the scope of the target audience has been partially accepted as practical due to the overwhelming majority of Mazer Yeshiva Program students in attendance, some students still felt neglected.  “I predicted that [the shiur organizers] assumed that all those who would attend are shomer negiah, and [that] they therefore would not address this issue at all,” a Yeshiva Senior in MYP explained.  “Sensing that the lecture was specifically for people for whom the shomer negiah issue is not up for discussion, I felt it would be out of place for me to go.”

When asked how they believe Yeshiva could broaden the scope of the shiur, some students suggested that another shiur catering to a different audience should be created.  Such a shiur would not necessarily assume, for example, that both parties on the date are planning to be shomer negiah.  As Yeshiva Sophomore Yoni Schiowitz warned, however, “this may not work as well [as the original shiur] because it would cause a fraction in YU to have two separate shiurim on the same subject but targeted to different audiences.”

All inquires regarding the series, including questions that students may want Rebbeim to discuss in subsequent shiurim, should be addressed to datingshiurim@hotmail.com.